Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Feast III: The Happy Finish

Genre - Horror
Year Released - 2009
Running Time - 79 minutes
Directed by John Gulager (who also directed the 1st two Feast films)
Written by Patrick Melton & Marcus Dunstan (both of whom also wrote the 1st two Feast films, as well as Saw IV, V, and the upcoming VI)
Cast Includes:
Clu Gulager - returning as the Bartender from the 1st two films
Diane Goldner - returning as the Biker Queen from the 2nd film
Juan Longoria Garcia - returning as Lightning from the 2nd film
Carl Anthony Payne II - returning as Slasher from the 2nd film
Hanna Putnam - returning as Secrets from the 2nd film
Tom Gulager - returning as Greg Swank from the 2nd film
and introducing two new characters into the mix:
John Allen Nelson as Shitkicker [that's his character's name]
Craig Henningsen as Jean-Claude Seagal [I'm not kidding]

Rating: 2 Skulls

Plot Summary:
As the flesh eating beasts continue to devour what's left of humanity, embattled survivors Biker Queen, Bartender, and Lightning do their best to stay off the menu, in this 3rd installment of the Feast franchise. But a new hope dawns when our heroes meet a karate fighter with a taste for knives and a man who seems to know how to contain the monsters.

If you read my review of the 2nd Feast, then you already know that I loved the 1st one and that I despised the 2nd one!

This one is better than Sloppy Seconds, however I was still very disappointed!
The 1st one was so good... I just don't understand why these sequels are so bad! :-(

The Happy Finish starts off exactly where Sloppy Seconds left off - I knew right away that it was going to be in the same vein as Sloppy Seconds - how did I know this? Let me tell you - in the 1st few minutes, one of the creatures decapitates one of the main characters - he then ate the head, and within seconds crapped it back out - ?!?!?

Yep, this one tried to be over-the-top, like Sloppy Seconds, thinking it was being funny, when really it wasn't. I almost said enough after one of the [male] characters was raped by one of the creatures [I won't ruin what happens next, just in case you do not heed my warning and watch this film anyway]

There were a few moments in this one though that made it slightly better than the last one [hence it receiving one skull more] such as the scene where the Bartender performs "surgery" on one of the other characters - now that was laugh out loud funny!

As for the ending - this one truly had a 'what the frak' ending - seriously - one of the worst endings of all time! [after the ending, a guy comes out strumming a guitar, singing a song in Spanish, which alludes to a possible 4th film. . . If this does indeed happen, I will not be one of the ones watching it!

I was unable to find a trailer for this film.



Te* said...

I've never seen any of the Feast films, so I was completely unaware that there was even a part 3, lol.

Soiled Sinema said...

Thank you, God.
This film was so awful that even I was at a loss for words as to describe the incarnate demons this awoke inside my chest cavity. Fuck this film and anyone responsible for this.

Love always,

thebonebreaker said...


Watch the 1st one and leave it at that ~ Trust Me!


thebonebreaker said...


I laughed out loud at your comment - you being at a loss for words - I am shocked ;-)
I was looking forward to reading a total RIP from SS. . .

Glad that you spoke your mind here! :-)


The Igloo Keeper... said...

I liked the 1st one a lot, but your review has persuaded me to leave it at that. Sounds truly horrendous.

thebonebreaker said...


I hear you ~ the 1st one was great!

However, you are 100% correct to leave the sequels alone.


iMike said...

" one of the [male] characters was raped by one of the creatures "


That sounds as bad as the chick who gets mouth raped in the 1st one...lol

I'll steer clear of this mess!

A.P. Simon said...

Damn, this isn't promising. I just finished the first FEAST two days ago, and the next two are on their way and will arrive tomorrow, but now I'm sorta getting second thoughts. From your description, I really gotta put into question the filmmakers sense of humor - it's a little too "out there", even for a horror flick. Is this at least MSTK worthy?

thebonebreaker said...


In this one, it is just silly, rather than funny. . .
Steering clear is definitely your best option!


In my opinion, the answer to your MSTK question is a resounding NO, which should, in itself, speak volumes!


Johnny 666 said...

Yeah, like everyone else, I had high hopes of this one being my new favorite beer drinking trilogy, but after the shitty reviews of parts 2 and 3, I think i will just leave em be. I can be quite happy owning the first film without blackening my brain with more shit!

Soiled Sinema said...

Nah nah. I still am at a loss for words. This film is like nails on a chalk board.

That mouthfuck scene in the first Feast is....surprisingly erotic.

In some primitive way, that scene aroused my psyche.
Now Feast II and III can just disappear and no one would miss them.


thebonebreaker said...


Good Call! :-)


I agree ~ parts II & III SHOULD disappear [they would not be missed!]